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Dear Sweet Autumn Baby

Autumn Wedding Day

Our perfect autumn wedding day in November 2008

Dear Sweet Baby,

After a long, hot summer, the weather has finally started to turn cool. It’s beginning to feel like autumn: the season of your birth.

Your father and I were married in this season, on a gorgeous fall day nearly three years ago. There’s something so peaceful about this time of year, so mature and deliberate. Spring, with its wild abundance and infinite possibility, has always been my favorite season. But autumn seems like such a perfect time for you to come into our lives. It’s certainly become a special time in my life, and becomes more so with every passing day as we draw closer to your arrival.

I’m fully in preparation mode now, doing all I can to feel ready. It never seems like enough. I know there’s nothing I can do completely prepare my heart for the day it grows huge with love for you. Nothing in the human body can expand that quickly without some pain involved — without aching at least a little bit. I already feel my heart swelling and being stripped raw at the same time, just by having you inside me.

People talk so much about crazy pregnancy emotions, but rarely about why expectant women get so soft and vulnerable to everything around them. Perhaps it’s a kind of practice run for how fully and helplessly we love these babies when they finally arrive.

This pregnancy — the process of creating you and growing you into something real — has not been brief or fleeting. It feels like I’ve been pregnant for ages and I still have more than a month to go. I can feel my body readying itself to bring you into the world; now it’s just my heart that needs to get itself into shape. I fear it will truly burst when I finally lay eyes on you.

It’s been more than 10 years since your dad and I first met. We were so young — in years, but even more so in spirit. We took our time growing up: moving to new cities; changing jobs and careers; collecting experiences and friends along the way. It took a long time for us to get here, and a lot of people haven’t always understood why.

But we know.

We know it took every one of those years — every week, every month, every season — to bring us here today. We anticipate your arrival with hearts that have grown broader and stronger with every passing year. And still, we know you will turn us upside down and inside out. That our lives will never be the same again.

Ten years. Ten autumns. And now, the autumn of you. Of new feelings, new experiences — a whole new chapter for us. I wait for you with bated breath, knowing this is only the beginning of the rest of our lives.

12 responses »

  1. Wow Stace, this is the best one yet. So beautiful. You’re going to be an incredible mother. Looking forward to meeting your wonderful child some day 🙂 xo

  2. Stacey,
    I’m moved to tears by this post. Reflection and anticipation have led you to where you are today. You are correct that this baby will turn you upside down and inside out. And you won’t be the same; you’ll be far richer as you realize one of your life’s purposes. Mother is the best job in the world.

  3. Stacey – I love reading these! Devin was born in the fall, so each time I read an entry it feels so close to home for me because of the similar timeline, from pregnancy to birth. You are so right about your timing being perfect for you and Stephen. I feel blessed to have been able to be present when you met Stephen, for all of the growing you did as a couple and for your wedding day! Now I can’t wait to meet this little baby once he/she arrives. I am so glad you are treasuring the experience of being pregnant for the first time, the fun and not so fun parts. It’s fun to feel like a part of it even though we don’t get to see you very often.
    Jen Martin

  4. You make me weep Stacey. I love your baby too! It almost makes me want to have one but alas that is bad idea at my age. Girl you are a writer and I think you should keep up the blog when “the bump” has a name. Mommy Jan

  5. Erika Brummels Shepherd

    Good luck, Stacey! I feel as though I could’ve written this exactly a year ago (well, not nearly as poetic and beautiful, but you get it) when we were awaiting Declan’s arrival. We, too, had 10 autumns together before his autumn arrival. It was perfect; and it will be for you too. Enjoy every second of these last pregnancy moments. Your son or daughter’s arrival will truly send you on the roller coaster ride of a lifetime. 🙂 Oh – and get some sleep now too! All the best. xo – Erika

  6. Welcome to the best job you will ever have! My congratulations and warmest wishes to you and Stephen and baby. Mommy June

  7. Pingback: Autumn Days Are Here Again « The Bump Life

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