Yesterday, a dear friend described my blog as “honest and raw.” As much as I valued the compliment, I hung up the phone feeling a bit sheepish.
I haven’t actually been all that honest with you.
There are some things going on in my life that I haven’t been writing about. And, I haven’t really been talking about them with most of the people in my life, either.
That’s a far cry from “honest and raw.”
Without question, there are parts of my life that are Hollywood-movie perfect. I am so thankful for my beautiful, funny, healthy son — I really don’t have the words to capture how grateful I am for his presence in my life. And, I’m truly blessed to have a husband who’s working extremely hard to allow me to be home with him, even though this situation creates some financial stress for our little family.
I’ll dip my toe into the waters of honesty by saying I’ve been struggling a little. I’ve been dealing with a couple of health issues that have been making things tough for me, and I haven’t handled the emotional aspects of this as well as I could. Perhaps I’ll find the courage to write about this more. I think doing so would help me make peace with the things about me that are not as I’d like them to be.
What’s holding me back? The Internet is a big place. Once you put something out there, you can’t take it back. (Hudson, please remember this one day when you have a Facebook account.) When people interact with me, I want them to see me rather than what’s not right with me.
It’s a new year. Usually, I’m above New Year’s resolutions. To me, they’re a little like Walmart or the Kardashians: cheap, popular and lacking in substance. I turn my nose up at them and compare them to going on a fad diet rather than adopting a healthy lifestyle.
But the truth is this: I don’t like New Year’s resolutions because they’re hard. They require work and accountability and change. None of those things come easy.
And so, just nine days overdue, I’m going to make some New Year’s resolutions this year (cringe). Maybe I’ll even get the courage to make them public and force some real accountability on myself.
Here’s my first attempt: a healthy breakfast not just for my son, but for me as well. This morning we both started our day with a Nature’s Path Chia PlusTM waffle, topped with a compote of cherries, blueberries, raspberries and avocado and finished with a dollop of Greek yogurt. It was delicious, and a great start to our day.
(Okay, I admit: he and I are both pretty hungry people, and this didn’t satisfy either one of us. He ate another generous portion of the fruit and yogurt, and I ate a second waffle with more fruit and yogurt and then ended up making some eggs an hour later. But, it’s a start, right?)
Here’s to 2013: a year of acceptance, a year of productivity, a year of honesty, a year of peace.
Or at least until I get tired of it.